" therefore, he explains, we developed an early warning system -- the feeling of rejection -- to alert us when we might be at risk for ostracism.
"for rejection-sensitive people, it may be self-protective to take your mind out of there, but it may not be good for your relationship or your interaction.
"when people are sensitive to rejection they tend to avoid a situation in which they can experience it," which then puts them at a higher risk for loneliness, winch says.
How to overcome rejection in dating
Dating over 50 is a petri dish for weird behaviors, a lot of it kind of fascinating.
Also notes that people who are sensitive to rejection may fall into patterns of behavior that only make the rejection worse.
(a brief aside: another weirdness of internet dating is how many convicted felons there are out there - male and female.
How to overcome dating rejection
"studies show that when you do that and remind yourself of your worth, then you are more resilient to rejection that comes thereafter," winch says, though he notes that this method would likely work only for immediately approaching situations (in other words, don't do this expecting effects for a situation occurring a year out).
He offers up a quick five-to-10-minute exercise that can help you to build resilience in the face of a potentially rejection-filled situation (such as a first date or job interview).
Attribute it to one (or more) of five causes:Because online dating is so anonymous, at least at the beginning, people feel they can say anything to this avatar on the other side of the computer or smartphone.
How to handle dating rejection
A small study in the journal clinical psychological science showed an association between the beginning processes of inflammation and rejection in teen girls at risk for depression.
Human experience of rejection goes back to our ancient roots, says winch, who is the author of "emotional first aid: practical strategies for treating failure, rejection, guilt, and other everyday psychological injures" (hudson street press, 2013).
Meanwhile, "those who didn't experience [rejection] as painful were less likely to correct [their] behavior and pass along their genes.
And a study published this year in the journal social cognitive and affective neuroscience shows that the posterior insular cortex and secondary somatosensory cortex parts of the brain are activated both when we experience social rejection and when we witness others experiencing social rejection.
Dating seems like the pinnacle of modernity, an online meat market where glassy-eyed humans browse possible suitors, sorted for ease of shopping by size, shape and moral fabric.
The more painful the experience of rejection, the more likely humans were to change their behavior to avoid ostracism, and be able to survive and pass on their genes.
, a 2011 brain imaging study published in the proceedings of the national academy of sciences shows that social rejection and physical pain both prompt activity in the brain regions of the secondary somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula.
Real-world example: a rejection-sensitive person who has a strong desire to find a significant other may decide to give online dating a try.
Research shows that rejection triggers the same brain pathways that are activated when we experience physical pain, winch says.
"you just need to be honest with yourself about whether you're avoiding situations because you're concerned or because you don't want to deal with rejection," winch says.
Also emphasized the importance of having a good support system if you're especially sensitive to rejection.
For instance, she says, if a rejection-sensitive person is having a conversation where he experiences rejection, he may stop paying attention during the rest of the interaction because he's become so preoccupied with the rejection.